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Well hello, it’s been some time….

ImageLayers of time, layers of memories while in the midst of layering more. A strange, strange concept, the one of time is it not? A swirl, a mist, a meteor speeding at an ever increasing pace. Babies grow up in a week and you don’t realize it until they drive up in a car, get married and have their own babies. People age, they die, they move in and out of your life. And there you are, watching, while it sweeps by and one day, whether you care to admit it or not, you realize that you haven’t been a passive bystander at all, but a player like everyone and everything else. There’s no escaping it. And unbidden, the questions creep in. The ones all the other saps have always trilled. Who am I? What matters? What am I doing with my life? When I’m gone, will my having existed matter? And no matter how hard you try to juggle the balls that have always seemed so significant; keeping the bills paid, the toilet scrubbed, the appearance of being an acceptable human to your friends, neighbors, kids, and dog, the questions will become louder, more insistent and sometimes even wake you up. When I flew an airplane across the continent last summer something happened to those voices. While I was in the midst of living moment to moment, trusting in myself but never certain of the outcome and knowing that there were too many variables to control, I found myself letting go of fear. I could have gone stark raving cotton mouthed mad had I pondered the fact that all that was between me and massive jagged peaks were a few thousand feet and a wood and fabric machine I magically rode in. I mean really! I was riding in a box kite with no visible means of support, yet I flew. And I didn’t go mad. On the contrary, I became very sane and very happy in the moment. Every cloud, every scent, every thrum from the faithful radial engine fed my peace and contentment. I was connected to others in a way I had never before experienced. Everyone seemed to be a part of me and I a part of them. Chrissy’s dimpled smile flashing back at me from the front seat while her hair whipped around her face, Jerry’s gentle hugs and tender concern for our well being, the people on the ground in the small towns we alighted in, seemingly long lost members of a family I barely remembered yet so glad to see us again and I them. I wasn’t haunted by questions about my existence because I knew the answers. I was me, uniquely me but never alone. What mattered was the experience of love in every form. I was doing exactly what I wanted to be doing in each moment and I will never be gone because love never dies.

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6 responses »

  1. Rusty Richards

    Wow, that is amazing. We have missed these posts, Summer. I know the girls in TN this weekend will miss you too. Me too

    Reply
  2. “You are led through your lifetime by the inner learning creature, the playful spiritual being that is your real self. Don’t turn away from possible futures before you are certain you don’t have anything to learn from them. You are always free to change your mind and choose a different future, or a different past.” R. Bach

    Love ya Summer!

    Reply
  3. All we have is the present, the past is gone and the future hasn’t arrived yet.

    Reply
  4. Donn Trethewey

    Dear Summer.
    I’m going to save what you wrote so that I can read it, and know it. You are so right. In the old phrase, ‘it’s now or never’. The ‘now’ is paramount; the ‘never’ is exactly as it says.
    Love.
    Donn

    Reply
  5. Steve Koerner

    Summer, We have missed your blog, Love to read it. Amazing to me how I can relate to your words. Life seems to be on a constant acceleration. Hope we get to see you this summer sometime. Hello to Chrissy and Jerry.
    Steve Koerner @ 3KK

    Reply
  6. Bill Giordano

    Summer-
    Very well said. Your introspection, coupled with your honesty puts your writing in a class all its own. It’s been a treat re-connecting with you on FaceBook and reading your blog. Always makes me smile.
    I know these feelings. I’ve HAD these feelings and experiences. Whether in a plane, skydiving, under the ocean or just alone in a field on a peaceful night- the wherewithal to comprehend the moment- to fully appreciate it- is always within us, at the ready, if only we’ve cultivated the ability. Clearly, you have grown this way, navigated this way, and are reaping the rewards in day-to-day life. In my world, that defines you as a success. Yes, we are extremely privileged beings; especially those of us who realize it. Any human being who lives by this code is, in the truest sense, beauty-full.
    Knowing your dad as I did , I can assure you he sees you in the same way.

    -Bill
    ( of the Skies)

    Reply

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